Running Raw

As I write this entry, I am sitting cross-legged, and my thighs look like some kind of pornographic Rorschach Test - hey, is that a butterfly? A patch of four leaf clover? Tire tracks? Of course, I had heard of runners chaffing, but I thought that was limited to men's nipples. Boy was I wrong. First of all, a pox on the asshole who invented the skort. I'm sure he is in hell laughing it up with his buddies, the inventors of the underwire bra and the high heeled shoe. All of which I wear because I am product of the American commercialistic, media driven society, and thus a slave to fashion. Of course, I am also my father's child and purchased the cheapest skort I could find - $10.48 on clearance at Target because the pocket was sewn on upside down. Now, to reinforce the comparison, I will go and purchase an expensive tech version of the same thing, which is what I should have done in the first place - it would have saved me $10.48 and possibly some pain and suffering.

I ran nine miles this weekend, you could say I finished in a blaze of glory. Well, that is, if you are talking about my thighs - they were sure blazing. I seriously ran past the finish of the run and straight to the Portland Running Company's table to purchase as much Body Glide as I could fit in my hydration pack. This delightful product is a natural lubricant that looks like a deodorant stick. You smear it anywhere there is potential for chaffing. If I could dip my body in this stuff like paraffin wax, I would. I think it is the product that the character Pauly Bleeker uses on his thighs in Juno. Of course, I have my doubts that Michael Cera's thighs have ever made each others' acquaintance, but still, I wish I'd been taking notes. I heard about this product just a few miles before I desperately needed it. Of course my timing is terrible, it's sort of a chronic issue.